Poly Pockets

You'll find, upon reading my blog, that my favorite word is "stigma". Well, not my favorite word, but it makes the most sense in most of the things I write. What does stigma mean?

• STIGMA (noun): a mark of disgrace associated with a particular circumstance, quality, or person.

So, when I talk about the stigma behind things, it's just because there's bad vibes surrounding it that I'd love to try and alleviate, if only from the minds of the people who read this.

Let's talk about some other definitions, though, since there's a STIGMA behind these two terms as well, and some people don't seem to know the difference. (And although 11/18 people said they knew the difference, I honestly might have to call a little bit of bullshit. Thank you to the 6/18 that said "sort of", and shoutout to the ONE who straight up said "no".)

• OPEN RELATIONSHIP (noun): a relationship in which both partners agree that each may have sexual relations with others.
• POLYAMORY (noun): the philosophy or state of being in love or romantically involved with more than one person at the same time.

Let's elaborate, shall we?.

In an open relationship, whatever the agreement may be, one would be able to sexually do whatever they'd like while still being in a monogamous relationship. Polyamory, however, means that one would have more than one partner romantically, and whatever they did would be their business. Some people don't understand, and my favorite statement in regard to either is, "Well, it's just not for me."

Okay, nobody cares about YOU when it's not YOUR relationship. First of all.

I just wish people would understand one main thing - no matter what the status of your relationship, PEOPLE CAN STILL CHEAT. Most people I've spoken to in regard to open relationships or polyamory have always thought that it's just a green light to do whatever you please, and that's just not the case.

Cheating means dishonesty, it means hiding, it means that when you say "full disclosure" that you weren't fully disclosing everything prior. Being in an open relationship means different things to different people, but to someone like me it means letting my partner know what I intend on doing. It means telling them what my thoughts are as I have them.

Full disclosure, my last relationship was an open relationship. Ideally, that would have been a good thing, had the partner not taken advantage of the situation. (Sorry... tea. I'll sip slower.) But there's nothing wrong with sharing your sex life with others. I love being open, and the idea that someone single should be able to go do as they please should span across other things.

And people love to think, "Okay, so polyamory just means you're cheating but that's okay?" Nope! You're with more than one person, and they may or may not be, but that's it. You can be polyamorous and asexual, ya know? It doesn't just mean you can fuck whoever and sleep over and nobody is allowed to get hurt. Wrong.

I've seen polyamory fall apart because of cheating - i.e. a partner that the other partner(s) didn't know about or something similary - or because of lying, or because of just normal relationship things. Polyamorous people or people in open relationships are not more prone to these things, though. Adding more people to the equation doesn't automatically mean you're adding only SHITTY people to the equation.

In nature, here's which animals do what. Just in case we think we're better than any species for whatever reason.

• Animals that mate for life: 
• the worm
• the wolf
• the swan
• the penguin
• the bald eagle
• Animals that practice polygyny (where the male has more than one female mate, but the female only mates with one male):
• the baboon
• the buffalo
• the gorilla
• the elephant seal
• the hyena
• Animals that have sex for fun:
• the pig
• the dolphin
• the bonobo (and some other primates)
• humans

So, these concepts of having more than one lover at a time, or throughout the course of a lifetime, why is it that humans have an issue with it? Because we gave it labels? Jeez, humans, get it together.

Once humans started labeling things, I feel we have a deeply-rooted need to fit into those labels. And when we don't, it drives us nuts. And when new labels are created because people shouldn't have to fit into any mold but we try anyway, we get upset that they're not the exact same as the previous molds we fit into and got so used to.

Humans, chill. Your personal jealousy and attachment issues have nothing to do with a relationship someone is a part of. If you can't put that to the side, then that's on you! And there's absolutely nothing wrong with monogamy or a closed relationship. But if you don't have anything nice to say, shut up, and leave other happy people alone.