In this post, I'm going to say what piece of candy each zodiac symbol correlates with. I'll throw in some sexual opinions I have, based on my platonic AND sexual experience I may have had with them. Let's do something fun!
Also, I'm not an expert in anything, so disclaimer! This list does NOT mean you are a Twix bar in real life. This does NOT mean you're a bag of Skittles. In case you were wondering.
- ARIES: As the first sign of the zodiac (and historically, one of the youngest), Aries are known for being blunt, taking charge, and being a tad bit belligerent. You're a fire sign, full of passion and courage. However, with your tendency to be a little too aggressive at times (especially in bed, but that's a little too much tea that nobody asked for), I think REDHOTS would be an appropriate candy for you. It takes you a while to warm up to them, but when you do, they make an imprint that matters for the remainder of your experience with them. Whether that's positive or negative is solely up to you.
- TAURUS: Ooooh, Taurus, girl. An earth sign represented by a bull... Being so grounded makes for one so stubborn. While that can manifest positively with you sticking by your opinions and knowing your worth, I think that especially sexually, not getting what you want can erupt quite a tantrum. But when you get exactly what you want - which isn't hard to provide - then you have a tendency to wholly involve yourself in the experience, sexual or otherwise. Ever had a JOLLY RANCHER that took over your mouth so thoroughly it stuck to the backs of your teeth?
- GEMINI: These twins, Castor and Pollux in Greek mythology, were twin Demigod brothers (with different fathers, which I guess is weird, but I guess mythology can do what they want?). Long story short, after Castor died, Pollux asked Zeus - his father - to give half of his immortality to his brother. This changed them into the constellation of Gemini. The willingness to share and the connection Gemini can form with their loved ones or partners is unmatched. I don't know anyone who wasn't willing to share their M&Ms with you.
- CANCER: These little crabs are so moody. A consistent need for affection, warmth, and validation. Which are not bad things to lust for, but think about a crab's movements: sideways, darting, and never head on without a fight. Your LICORICE attitude is a little touchy at times, but it doesn't take much for someone to fall in love. With all of you, not even just the parts they like. In bed, you might be a little too into it, or a little too distant. But that's why someone should take their time and get to know what's under the shell before even thinking about sliding in your DMs.
- LEO: Honestly, Leo gets a bad rep. Their best quality has got to be their loyalty and kindness, but all people see is the almost-pompous exterior. It's hard to think that lions have hearts when all you see is a mane and teeth. SNICKERS seem appropriate. It's not until you bite in that you remember it has nuts in it. I've been with some Leos, though, and honestly they have me roaring in bed, so I'll take that. Like, if there was one sign you would be required to call "Daddy", this one would be it. They're a fire sign ready to protect their pride at any cost, so don't mistake their fixed personality with anything other than them being sure of themselves.
- VIRGO: Virgo's ruling planet is Mercury, which is supposed to be in charge of our communication and processing of information. (Which is why when it's in retrograde, the way we understand one another and ourselves is often skewed.) But they love to talk. About everything. Characterized by the virgin, their analytical personality always leaves them hungry for everything they find interesting. You're always looking for "purity and perfection", which are perfect words I stumbled upon, so even sexually you're looking for exactly what you're looking for. Think HERSHEY BAR. If Mary Poppins were real, I think she'd be a Virgo: "practically perfect in every way", if at least only to her.
- LIBRA: The scales always want to be level, but life doesn't always work out like that. Affability only works when it's more than just a one-way street. You're ruled by your emotions through Venus, which means you're probably super sex-positive (yay!) but fickle as hell (nay?). I feel that demisexuality is probably something that sounds about right to a Libra - only being able to form a sexual attraction if an emotional/mental one is formed.So like, once you decide to eat a STARBURST, you don't really care if there's a teeny tiny bit of paper stuck on it when you eat it.
- SCORPIO: With your ruling planets sharing the throne with Pluto and Mars, the planets in charge of change and action, you definitely are trying your best to move forward. But Scorpio is a fixed water sign, meaning they have a tendency to be stubborn and austere as well as secretive and cunning. They have a tendency to misuse sex because of their compulsion problems. If it's something they want, they're going for it, never mind the regret they know will happen after. Like when you eat SKITTLES and you only want a few but then you've eaten the whole bag and you're crying about it but also getting another bag.
- SAGITTARIUS: Your symbol is the archer/centaur, your planet is Saturn, you're a fire sign with masculine influences... Okay, we get it, Sag, you're super confident. But also, please keep owning your confidence. Wear it like a banner across your chest, like the arrow your character holds. Loving the freedom to express and explore is something people gravitate towards. Sleeping with a Sagittarius can be one of the most fun experiences of your life, but they're super rebellious so good luck past a certain point. The TWIZZLERS of the zodiac - not quite one thing, not quite another, but a whole lot of something really good.
- CAPRICORN: Before we move on, can we just ask this question: what the hell is a sea-goat? Like, oh, Capricorn - the sea-goat. Um, question mark? But also, yeah... What the hell is a Capricorn half the time? Yes, you may pride yourself in your focus and ability to succeed in your endeavors, and rightfully so. Super ambitious, but cautious of every step at the same time. Almost conservative at times, because you're so confident in who you are, whoever that may be. Like the KITKAT, you're a classic. A dominant force in bed who knows exactly what they're doing... whatever that may be.
- AQUARIUS: As HAIR made the phrase possible, Aquarius is "destined for greatness or madness". Absolutely comparable to eating too many REESE'S PIECES at a time. And although you're often mistaken for an emotional and unstable water sign, they're actually and air sign and the complete opposite. You're a little distant, even though your mind is crystal clear with its own creativity, and when you notice that clarity you try and make it known to everyone what your intentions are. Kudos for honesty and altruism, which make for a very generous lover. But also one that gives for pleasure, and may pout when they can't receive. Never more than pout.
- PISCES: What a bubble-headed weirdo you are, Pisces. A soft exterior that takes no more than a second to break through, it's the inside we need to watch out for. If that doesn't sound exactly like a TWIX, I don't know what does. That crunch is what we're all waiting for, even though it's still a little surprising when it comes. It is the opposite of Aries - you're the last of the signs, but one of the oldest. Findings of Pisces drawings date as far back as 2300bc, and the mythology of the fish itself spans more than just the Greek and Roman. You're known for almost psychic tendencies, and that plus your old-soul in bed make for someone who knows exactly what they're doing.
I hope you had fun with me! Give me more fun things to do, Pineapple Peeps, I'm always down for feedback and suggestions!
Yeas! Loved every second of this. Felt like you were spot on with every sign. Love the confidence and forethought that went into this. Also, love you my sista from anotha mista! (This is Ebby. Hi!)
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