I Scream... For Ice Cream?

I had a conversation with a friend not terribly long ago in regards to preference. Her preference is black women, and she was very adamant about letting people know. And that's okay, everyone likes what they like. I just think it's smart to understand what you say when you're saying you have a "racial preference" as far as partners, romantic or otherwise, are concerned.

*BEFORE CONTINUING, I'd like to put a disclaimer: not only is this a no-judgement zone, but I understand nobody in my friend circle is a racist person. I'm fully aware. This is a sensitive subject, but to those who answered YES in my poll to having a preference, just know that I applaud you for admitting it openly. I have a preference. That's discriminatory as FUCK, and I can't help what I like, and it doesn't mean I haven't dated other people or wouldn't accept other people.*

When you say you have a racial preference, you are saying that even through evolving as a human race, you can not put aside the deeply-rooted stereotypes that each ethnicity or race (which are different, but I think that both hold true in this explanation) come with. Why do you prefer dating someone of color, or someone not of color, or what have you?

What makes black people the most attractive race in your eyes? What makes you say you're looking for a "white boy"? Why are Latinx people "so sexy" to you? Do you not see the fetishization you're implementing?

What exactly makes a race more attractive to another? My answer is stereotypes. Think about it. How many times have you heard something about member size, or booty size, or being "crazy" in bed, or something like that? More times than I'd care to admit.

Stereotypes were, at one point, based in fact. There are biological reasons that correlate with some. For example, the reason people of color may have bigger members is the same reason they have as much melanin as they do. Melanin is the pigment in skin that protects people from the sun. Hence, people who lived in warmer climates needed more to protect them. Which is why people around the Equator are darker than those who lived in Northern Europe or places like that. By that same logic, because of the heat, people of color were also taller, and had larger dicks, because more surface area on the body meant that the heat of the environment could spread out better and people wouldn't die from sun exposure every day.

You can't get mad at anyone for having a big dick. And you can't get mad at anyone for liking it. But assuming a certain race or ethnicity is going to have one is stupid, to be honest.

That was just one example, and I'm sure that other people can see more. In my favorite musical, HAIR, there are two songs - "Black Boys" and "White Boys" - that are sung by ladies of the opposite race, and they start naming reasons why they love what they love. "Black boys are delicious, chocolate-flavored love... I have such a sweet tooth when it comes to love..." and, "White boys are so pretty, hair like Chinese silk... White boys are so lovely, beautiful as girls..."

As great as the show is, does NOBODY see how problematic that is? Come on, now.

And not all of these stereotypes are negative! Most of them are some kind of positive attribute - preferred size, intelligence, money... Things like that aren't negative, necessarily, but why assume other people can't share the very same attributes?

While I can't knock anyone for liking what they like, I know I've encountered people who've only been interested in me because of my weight, or how EXOTIC I am, etc. (Also, if one more person calls me "exotic" when they just mean "not white" I'm going to throw up all over them.) So please be mindful.

Another friend made a wonderful comparison. "Just because you may like vanilla ice cream doesn't mean you should not eat pistachio because it looks different than vanilla." He's right. We're not allergic to other flavors of ice cream. Half of us haven't even tried anything other than vanilla before saying it's our favorite.

While having the racial preference is something that's very hard to unlearn, we can understand the racist background it hides behind. Never give up a beautiful opportunity, sexually or romantically, because of your preexisting notions of the race or ethnicity of the person that holds that opportunity. And never hold yourself accountable to the issue of stereotyping. Just remember that it can be unlearned, and you should always see the person for the light they hold, not the lampshade that happens to covers it.