Case of the Glooms

TRIGGER WARNING.

So, as you all know, I am someone who suffers from anxiety and depression. Some days it’s much worse than others, but it’s something that’s a part of me. And as we probably also all know, I am someone who enjoys sex. These two things have a strange correlation for me.

When I’m sad, I want to have sex. I’m not sure why. It’s just something I want to do. I’m in tune enough with my body to know what endorphins will be released if I orgasm, and I usually want that. And when I’m anxious, I just want to be touched - in an intimate way, not a sexual way. And yes, those two things are different.

But recently, it’s been much different. I’m with a boy who treats me well, and I’m decently happy in my life. Not too much is going on. But the cases of the glooms that I get have been getting can’t be solved by sex. So what happens in that case?

I listen to my body. I’ve denied sex before. I’ve pulled away from an embrace before. I’ve gotten more horny and more clingy and affectionate as well. Whatever is good for my body is what I do for my body.

There are bad times to have sex. If you listen to yourself, you’ll hear what you need to hear. Sex will NOT solve everything, but sometimes you just need that release. Some tension can be fixed that way. Sometimes you just don't want it.

And as far as the boy goes… I’m open with him, and it’s a good situation for us to be in. But there’s big chunks of doubt and paranoia that comes along with it that. What if he does this, what if he finds someone else, what if I’m not his consistent anymore, what if blah blah blah. He reassures me that it is not the case - and I believe him! - but of course you're not going to believe someone unless you believe it yourself.

And in a way, I do believe him. He’s someone I’d like to have around me for a while. And I know he’s not going to say or do anything he doesn’t mean. And the way he fucks me, well damn. I’m confident enough to know he’s not ready to give that up. (Holla!!!)

But sometimes, the cases of the glooms (as I call them) get too loud in my head for me to hear anything above it. So what do you do?

In sex, in life, in everything else - try your best to calm yourself down. If you’re going through a lot, then do the best you can. I’m not saying “Just CALM DOWN!” because we all know that it doesn’t work. Saying “Just get better!” to a cancer patient does absolutely nothing. So why do it to someone who has another kind of issue?

My advice to you, myself, and whoever needs it: sex can solve some bad moods, but it will not solve your problems. Make sure you take care of yourself, before you have someone else take care of you, in any way that might be.

Thank you guys so much for tolerating me during this time of writers block and mental issues. I love all of you guys, and hopefully I can write on a more consistent basis from here on out. Love my Pineapple Peeps!