...And I'm An Addict

TRIGGER WARNING.

I was going to post something about knife play. I was going to post something educational. I was going to post something totally relevant to the sex-positivity part of this blog. But considering mostly my friends are the ones reading this, I changed my mind for now.

As you guys may know, I enjoy having sex. I love physical touch. I love being close enough to someone to smell them, taste them, feel them. But it's become a problem.

I think I'm addicted to sex.

When I don't orgasm at least once a day, I have panic attacks that I can only really attribute to that. If someone denies me sex, I'm obviously not going to push it because consent. But I shouldn't be so upset that I cry, thinking that someone doesn't want to touch me because of some ridiculous reason. It could be for a million different things; I might not be one of them.

I don't think liking sex is a problem. Obviously, I've made it clear in my pseudo-"missions statement" that having sex or not is OKAY. But why is it, then, when I'm not having sex, it's a problem for me?

I mastubate all the time. It's not like I'm incapable of having the orgasm I clearly so desperately need to get through my day. But it's never enough. I want someone to be doing it for me. And I know who I want the most - I want my boy the most, because he's mine to want - but it really doesn't matter at the time. I just want it.

I've decided to investigate seeking help for it. I like being the horny creature I am, but NOT when it affects my mental health. I'll do anything I want, but as soon at it affects that, I know I have to start thinking about it from a different perspective.

I love you guys, and I think it's important to share with who you love.

I'm an addict. I've been addicted to real drugs, people, feelings, and now sex. I have an addictive personality. If I enjoy something, I'll get hooked to the point of danger. No, I'm not in ANY way comparing my sex addiction with my previous heroin addiction. Because it is NOT the same, at all. But it hurts me the same way. It hurts ME. The same way.

Being educated about sex is important to me. And being open is just as important. I plan on writing a post about this in the future, when I know a little bit more about the issue. Until then, Pineapple Peeps, come on this journey of self-discovery. Maybe, together, we can find the root of the problems we all have, and be more open to helping ourselves fix them.