Third Time's the Charm?

TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of gender, sex, genitalia, presentation, and other things in regard to being a human.

How do you come out when you've come out already? To be honest, I've done it twice, and I like things in threes.

I'm non-binary, enby baybee! (NB, like non-binary, enby, get it? Whatever, I think it's fucking cute.)

Maybe you guys can relate, but I've always been the type of person to accept all the things, all the people of most of the walks of life... except when it applied to me. I hate most demographics I am, and it's not my fault either. Society has made us feel that we're not enough, no matter what, and the "enough" is an unobtainable standard that everyone talks about, but nobody really realizes how unrealistic it is.

With every modified body, with every picture-perfect view of sexuality and identity and gender and expression, it's so hard to view yourself in an accurate way. There's not a single person who is your twin that you will be able to see portrayed in a big way. You'll get similar things, you'll get representation, and we're working to make sure that we only continue to get more. But comparing yourself to a simple representation can be harmful, also.

You are who you are, and that's perfectly lovely, as long as you're not harming anyone or yourself. There are so many wonderful ways to exist now, there's so many ways to present as a person! And I know that at least the people I choose to surround myself with have been so accepting of everything, even if they don't exactly know what's going on. They're just trying to learn and love as they go.

I know not everyone has the privilege of being surrounded by such acceptance. But the first step is accepting yourself. There's not a person who doesn't deserve to look in the mirror and be able to smile at who they are and who they're becoming. You deserve to take positive influence in the representations you see around you, and use it to mold yourself into the best and most original version of yourself.

Personally, it took me a very long time to become comfy. I'm 25, and I feel like every time I take a step forward, it's four steps back as far as discovering who I am. I try to convince myself of certain things because it makes me feel better and more comfortable. But it's not true comfort if you're conforming because you feel like you have to. Sometimes people can't squeeze themselves into a box, and it's unfair to make them try. But after hearing the people around me, listening and learning, becoming more in tune with my body and what I prefer, and hearing other people ask assertively to be respected in their way, I realized that I was allowed to be respected in my way, too.

I am non-binary. I'm a pansexual binary human being. My preferred pronouns are they/them/theirs. I love my body and what I was born with, I like being effeminate, and honestly that's probably never going to change. But it's "non-binary" for a reason, yeah? I don't fit into SHIT, brother. And that's fine. I like myself most of the time, and I'm working on liking myself a little bit more every single day.

Touch-a Touch-a Touch-a (Don't) Touch Me

TRIGGER WARNING: mentions of physical touch and aspects of intimacy.

This is hard for me to write, honestly. Not particularly sure what I'm going through in life right now, but my normal interactions with physical touch have not been what they normally are. Usually, I'm the kitten to crawl on your lap, the one who prefers to experience relationships physically. Recently that hasn't been the case, and I'm taking this week (like I haven't owed you guys a post for more than JUST a week...) to write about interpretation of this, if that makes sense.

My poll for this post was, "When you're feeling low, do you like being touched?" and here's the response I got:

• 4 people said YES
• 3 people said NO
• 18 people said IT DEPENDS

(Full disclosure, I had a friend suggest the "it depends" option to me, I hadn't even thought of it and I'm glad he mentioned it because a) it was MY answer, b) it's kind of the focus of the post at this point.)

Before continuing, I do just want to reiterate the importance of consent. If someone says they don't want to be touched, do not touch them. There is no debate, k? K. 

Everyone is entitled to their own form of physicality. Whether that means being fully enveloped by another human physically, or whether that means being as far away from people as possible. And that's totally fine. I just think it's strange because of how we are *supposed to be* as humans.

There's a chart that many are familiar with, Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Basically, it's a pyramid-shaped chart explaining the basic things humans need to survive. The bottom of the pyramid holds the more important things that have to do with survival as opposed to anything else, and you're supposed to obtain them first, before reaching the ones at the top.

The bottom consists of things like food, water, warmth, and rest. Then security and safety. Then begins the psychological needs, starting with intimate relationships and friends, moving on to self-esteem and the need to feel accomplished. And finally the pyramid ends with self-actualization and being who you'd finally like to be. Obviously you can only reach this goal if you have a pulse, so the needs at the bottom are very important.

So, *smack in the middle* of this chart is where the intimacy comes. It's a literal basic human need. I just think it's interesting that something *smack in the middle* of the chart is something that so many humans are iffy on when the other needs fall out of wack. But I guess I can understand a little bit. I feel like when the bottom is okay, and the top isn't, one may get upset at the middle for simply existing the way it is. Then someone may try to manipulate that in one way or another, subconsciously or otherwise. I can totally see an internal conversation being, "I'm upset I don't have the top of the triangle so I need more of the middle for comfort," or even something like, "I'm upset I don't have the top of the triangle so why bother even needing the middle if I can't move past it?"

As scatterbrained as my thoughts are - and thank you guys for sticking through them - I think that no matter what, follow your gut feeling. If you're itching for some cuddles? Get some from a consenting cuddle partner! If you're looking to get railed out because it's therapy to you? Enjoy! If you want everyone to stay as far away from you as possible? Get that space, yo. There's a happy medium of spending to much and too little time with/by yourself. That's why it's in the middle, right? You'll figure it out.

Bad News Bears

TRIGGER WARNING: mentions of a mental state that might make some people uncomfortable.

FIRST of all, hello! I haven't written in a little while and I'm happy you guys have stuck around. I'll try to be more constant in my writing, but sometimes life gets in the way. So again, thank you guys for chillin' in the wings!

Second of all, this post - although still standing true by itself - is a little bit of an explanation of some of the mental/physical barriers that have held me back from my creative self.

In my life, if I've spoken with you about some of the people I sleep with, you've probably heard me say that someone may be a  "bad news bears boy" or something similar. I know that it's silly, but it actually comes from a deeper place, I think. This post is going to be more mental health than anything, even though it stems from a sexual place.

There was a boy I was sleeping with. I'll leave his name out, obviously, even though some of you may know the name of who I'm talking about. For a long time, we were pseudo-falling in and out of love with one another. He and I made some awful decisions, and I regret every second of it. But here's the thing: from time to time, we still sleep with one another. Why do we do that? Why the hell are we doing this to ourselves?

Let me explain. Get ready for this.

So, long story short, we ended up having a conversation about where we were in life, what we were both looking for, the dishonesty on his part, the emotional ROLLERCOASTER on mine... You name it, we've talked about it. And we decided that we were too horny and our sex was too good to give up. After that, we've had more issues about his dishonesty, but my emotions actually backed off a little and I was (and am) able to have sex with him without any attachment. Which is what I'd prefer for situations like this. If I'm going to sleep with people freely, I don't want any strings. It's bad for my brain, and it's not fair to anyone.

Then, his dishonesty stopped. He started telling me things. Not everything, but to be honest I couldn't give less of a fuck. Not for me to know, not for me to care about. No worries. And it's actually fine.

Not "fine" in the sense of "it's not at all fine but I'm saying it to end the conversations surrounding it". "Fine" as in "this is actually cool, no worries, no big deal, over, done". It's actually fine. Or rather, it was for a while. But even now, with everything going on, it's still better than it was.

Sometimes I still think about how shitty our relationship was. And is. And sometimes after having sex with him, I feel disgusting. Like I'm the worst person in the entire world for even considering still sleeping with someone like him. I think about it during sex with him, too. And even though he always respects my wishes to stop, it makes me feel even worse that my almost-PTSD with him is ruining what could potentially be a great time.

Sexually, I don't think I've ever been with someone more compatible. I've had amazing sex. I've had sex that I think about and even after how long still makes my mouth water. I've had sex with people of all walks of life. I've been hurt by people, treated well by people, all of that. But something about sex with him really keeps me coming back. (Cue Chingy feat. Tyrese "Pullin' Me Back" please. If you don't know the song, listen. Doesn't really apply, but it's a lit throwback. You're welcome.)

And he's let me explore my kink side, for sure. We've explored things as mellow as just regular domination, to as severe as knife play. The physical trust I have is unmatched, truly. He's one of the only people I've ever felt comfortable switching for and showing my domme side. And because of how physically in sync we are, it's even harder to let go.

Here's how I see it. If we're being honest, and I've tried to be nothing but, I'm way too much of a sexually-driven creature to give up on sex like that. And every time I go to make that choice - whether or not to sleep with him - I run questions by him. I need to make sure he's not cheating on anyone by sleeping with me, that's the biggest one. And if/when he answers them all and he's not being an asshole, then it's perfectly fine. We hang, we smoke, we fuck, we sleep (sometimes), and then we go about our lives. But it's our past interactions that still hover behind each orgasm. And it's something I'm actually choosing to dismiss most of the time.

At the end of the day, what he did was shitty. Who I was, was shitty. But we've both come miles above that. We've been vocal and talked, we've discussed maybe trying to date again, and we've adamantly and unanimously decided that it was a bad fucking idea. That's why I think I can do it. There's no goal other than to have a good night with one another every now and again. And watching him grow as a human as we continue to sleep together is so refreshing. I'm not taking credit for the growth, that's all him. I can only take credit for mine. But I'm happy that the sad feelings are now in the past. It's only the past that makes me uncomfortable. And I hope that the future stays positive.

Whether we continue to do what we're doing, or whether we dead one another, or whether we fall off, every choice that was made has created the people we are today. I quite like myself right now, for the most part. I'm grateful for my experiences. I wouldn't be me without them.

People like him are one of the reasons I haven't been myself. Rather, why I'm trying to find myself. I'll sacrifice a blog post if it means I can focus on myself for a little while. Hopefully my bad news bears boy won't impede my growth anymore. I'm working on myself. I'll get there.

Mini-Me

TRIGGER WARNING: mentions of specific kinks and head-spaces that may make some people feel uncomfortable, mentions of pedophilia. But please don't worry, this is not about pedophilia. At all. That's kind of my point in writing this to begin with.

So, this is a topic that I've been kind of letting simmer in my brain for a while. I've been exploring my placement within this kink, and it's been a wild ride doing so. (Not that the label matters, I understand that. However, sometimes labels can be helpful, and for me they happen to be VERY helpful.)

The concept of Bigs and Littles at its core isn't very strange. In the simplest of terms, it falls under the umbrella of a Dominant and Submissive relationship. However, with the title of the Dom(me) in this relationship also comes with the title of Caregiver. The Caregiver, the Dom(me), is the Big. The Little is the Sub.

Now, before going into what this entails, I'd just like to point out that this is not only coming from my own personal knowledge and experience, but also from things I've discussed with people and looked into further. It's a strange area, and there's no way to do (consensual) kink wrong, so don't take this as the only rules you have to follow if this kink sounds in any way familiar to you.

The caretaker side generally has the title of Daddy/Mommy or any variant like that. This terminology is what turns people off most of the time - hearing terms like this that people use on a regular basis being used in a pseudo-sexual nature. Again, this kink is not inherently sexual, but it is connected to a physical attraction and almost reliance on one another, so it's hard for a lot of people to separate the two. In a positive Big/Little dynamic, the Big will usually evolve their care-taking skills so as to make the Little feel as comforted and safe as possible.

On the Little side, it's what I feel to be a much larger spectrum. Sometimes there will be age regression, but this is not what being a Little is dependent upon. Personally, me falling into the kink has to do with my own vulnerability. I allow myself to become comfortable enough with someone to let them be, in a sense, in charge of me.

I personally don't use titles like Daddy/Mommy, but even that took a while to figure out. I prefer things like Mister for my more masculine partners, and I actually do not have experience with a more feminine Caregiver so I never thought what I would ever call one if I had one. But the titles and labels are ALL up to you. The dynamic exists regardless. I feel that most of my interactions with my Bigs happen in silence. What I mean by that is that if there's any instance of me being put into my place, it's with a look or an action, not with words. The words that are necessary are said in the beginning, when discussing what the dynamic actually is. This for me is just because to have the title of Caregiver for me, it's a deep connection that requires a lot of time to develop. So me being able to be silenced with a look, or comforted with a smile, was a long time coming if it's happening at all.

The title of Mommy or Daddy or something similar that might induce a feeling of disgust in the vanilla community, or the BDSM community not in the know, is honestly just used because we can not find any other label that conveys what the relationship is. The feeling similar to the safety and love we feel other than that of the original 'caregivers' - our parents.

I had a conversation with someone about this as I was writing this and they came up with a question I felt the need to answer: "What does having "daddy issues" mean, if this kink is so legitimate?" And here's my answer: it has NOTHING to do with this kink. Your "daddy issues" may mean one thing, or they may mean another. It doesn't mean you're depraved or deprived, it just means that you may have an issue on the "daddy" side of things. That does not mean that this kink is for you. It's a common misconception, and it's honestly inconsiderate in my opinion. I have daddy issues because I don't have one, because he's dead. So like, does that mean I have daddy issues like what you're thinking? No, so shut up. The term is annoying. Just a side thought. Anyways...

In my experience, this dynamic works the best when my Big provides rules. The bratty side of me is what decides to follow or break those rules, but it’s all part of the game. Some people have rules as severe as those put in place in a standard D/s (Dominant/submissive) relationship, and some are very lenient, while some partners have no rules at all and just exist in the dynamic as two normal humans would.

My favorite part about this dynamic? You can fuck with it. I used to say “Daddy”, now it’s “Mister”, as I said before. And my partner at the time was with it. I’ve had some Bigs who disciplined me harshly, and adjusted when requested. I’ve had Bigs not discipline me at ALL, and they also adjusted when requested. And sometimes my Bigs don’t understand my needs, or I don’t understand theirs. At the end of the day, regardless of any age regression, you are all CONSENTING ADULTS who can break out of the game to have an ADULT conversation with your partner.

One of the other big misconception about this kink is one of the major ones that tag along with BDSM in general - No, not all participants are going to be in kink brain all the time. Just as some members of the general BDSM community don’t walk out in public in leather and leashes, and some do, the Big/Little community has the same. Some people will leave their homes with stuffed animals, or pacifiers, or something to discipline their Little with. But some don’t. It is a lifestyle, but it’s the relationship that has priority to take place all the time, not the more intimate acts.

When I’m in public, I choose not to wear my leash or collar (because again, that is part of MY relationship to my big - giving in to the kitten/pet side of my Little-ness). But in my car, as some of you know, I always have a stuffed animal. Falling into what's called "Little Space" is very easy for someone like me to do.

Little Space just means when an adult regresses to a "childlike" state. To me, that means vulnerability, innocence, naivety... Nothing to do with actually feeling like a child. It's not physical. It is completely mental. And most of the time, because the Little is an adult, they can cope with it very easily. This headspace is not to be confused with what we call Sub-Space. While a Little tends to be the Submissive side of things, Sub-Space is a similar mindset, but it's usually triggered by something else. That's for another post, though. (In another 5 years when I actually remember that I set deadlines for my own posts. El Oh El, ya know.)

Being a Little makes the most sense to me. I'm the aggressive, dominant, asking if everything is okay kind of person usually. As I've said in more than one post, I think, the hottest thing to me is when someone can overpower me. And when someone thinks that I'm worth pretty much taking care of me and allowing me to fall into Little Space with them? Yeah, that's the shit I like.

This kink has taught me not to judge, either. Do I stan pedophiles? Fuck no, get the fuck out of my face. I refuse. I absolutely refuse. But this is not pedophilia. At all. And we are not making pretend we are children physically. Acting as a child would, putting oneself into the mindset where a child's would be... That's what we're doing. And to be honest, I've never met a Little, let alone a Sub, that couldn't snap out of it by themselves. Because, as I say for the millionth time, we are all consenting adults. And that is the most important thing.

I hope I opened some eyes and changed some minds with this! As I've said a thousand times, as long as there's consent, there's no way to do things wrong. I hope to hear some questions from the group, see you next time!

I'm Sorry. And I Try To Mean It.

TRIGGER WARNING: I'm not editing any of this. I'm not going through and writing it again. I'm talking about so many ridiculous and sad things, and I'm not listing them because I don't give a fuck about keeping it professional right now. It is, at the end of the day, MY blog. And I just need to empty my chest a little bit.

I'm not happy. I don't know why I'm not happy. I just cannot maintain a level of consistently being okay for long enough to consider me being "happy". I don't know what "happy" means or where "happy" is. I've been there, but I guess I fell asleep on the car ride there and back, and I don't know how to get there again. But the visits don't last long. They are actually physically tiring, and that's why the nap on the way back seems so inviting.

I don't know how to fix anything. I don't know why my anxiety does what it does, or when/if it's going to stop. I try, I do. And it honestly really pisses me off when people think I'm not trying. I try so hard, and honestly sometimes just getting out of bed is the most effort I can exert for the day. Which is why I don't go above and beyond on those days. I just get out of bed and do my best, which is apparently never enough.

I can't fucking write when I'm not okay. This blog is really hard. I have - no joke, I'll screenshot if you'd like - 14 posts that are halfway finished. I love the topics I've chosen and the audience that chooses to read it, it has nothing to do with anything like that. I just can not get my hands to type the things because my brain is telling me that I shouldn't care about it. My brain tells me that it doesn't matter, and my body is weaker than my brain so it just says, "Okay," and does nothing because it's convinced that it doesn't matter.

I'm so sorry to everyone. I've bailed on so many plans, I've started and not finished so many projects. I've not answered texts, I've left events halfway through, I've gotten so drunk or high that I was a ghost of myself in social situations. And I'm so fucking sorry.

But here's the thing: I can't even mean that I'm sorry 100%. The same brain that tells me nothing matters, is the brain that makes my (usually) sincere and heartfelt apologies not as sincere and heartfelt. And honestly, it's hard to try. It is fucking hard to try to be sorry. And to try to do better next time. And to follow through on doing better next time, so that I don't have to apologize again.

But do I need to be sorry? I'm not using depression as an excuse. I'm not using anxiety as a scapegoat. But if it's genuinely not my fault, is an apology necessary? Yes, because you need to be accountable for your actions, right? But what if you are literally not able to be accountable for your actions? Do you still apologize for whatever was done that ended up affecting others? Also, how much of what affected others is something that should be apologized for, anyway? Am I wrong for causing an effect, or is someone wrong for taking something personally? I can't knock someone for being hurt by something that I did, but there's a gray area and it brings me to an even deeper place.

I'm trying. I'm trying to mean everything I say. I'm trying to be whatever the fuck "happy" is. And I do mean when I say I'm sorry, to the best of my ability. And I mean it more when I say that I'm trying. So fucking hard. I'm trying.

I Spy With My Little Eye

TRIGGER WARNING: mentions of disorders of a mental, emotional, and physical nature, including anxiety and depression as well as personal image disorders.

I tried counting and researching the number of mental illnesses there are? Yeah, so I stopped counting. There are so many, and they're very real. Just because you can't see them, doesn't mean they're not there. And just because you see something different than someone else does, doesn't mean you're going to be able to fix the problem. It's THEIR problem.

I have a lot of friends in my life who have something called BDD - Body Dismorphic Disorder. The technical definition is "a mental illness involving obsessive focus on  a perceived flaw in appearance". Basically, you have an issue with the way your body looks. However, this can be something very minor, like someone thinking they look bloated when they don't, or it can go to the more extreme, and that's what I'd like to talk about.

I have a friend I was romantically involved with. This friend was one of the first people in my closer circle that ever asked me to use "they/their/them" pronouns, and they identified as agender with an underlying thought of "I may transition in the future but I'm figuring shit out". They're one of the reasons I decided that pansexual was a better label for me. They're not something that fits into the two-gender spectrum that bisexuality represented, so it just made sense. And while I do understand that people who identify a certain way - mainly male or female - should be recognized as such. It was the inbetween and the not-so-much-in-either-direction I was attempting to include in the label I identify with.

So, long story short... With the curse of depression, and the weight of anxiety, and the added burden of BDD, the relationship we had ended. The issue was knowing that in an ideal world, they would have been born in a body that wasn't biologically female. The breasts were the biggest issue (no pun intended), and it was something so prevalent in their head that it distracted them from anything else.

While I'm still sad the relationship ended, think about it like this, with statistics pulled from adaa.org, the webside for the Anxiety and Depression Association of America:

• Anxiety is something we all have as a natural reaction, but anxiety disorders affect over 18% of, or 40 million, adults over 18 in the United States
• Generalized Anxiety Disorder, which affects about 6.8 million adults
• Panic Disorder, which affects about 6 million adults
• Social Anxiety Disorder, which affects about 15 million adults
• (There are others, like Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, as well as specific phobias and things like Bipolar Disorder and eating disorders)
• Major Depressive Disorder affects over 16 million adults in the United States, and it can break down into more than one category as well
• Persistent Depressive Disorder, or Dysthymia
• Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder
• Seasonal Affective Disorder
• And then there are the co-occurring disorders that come with anxiety disorders, such as
• Eating disorders (Anorexia Nervosa, bulimia, etc.)
• Irritable Bowel Syndrome
• Sleeping disorders
• Attention Deficit/Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD)
• Chronic pain
• Headaches
• AND FINALLY, Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD)

Look at how many people have these issues. There are 450 million people worldwide who suffer from mental illness. They are not exempt from one just because they have another, and usually these illnesses tend to pile up onto one another. These are not uncommon things, and things like BDD are just as common as these things are, even on the severe side.

This is difficult to think about, but put yourself into someone else's shoes for just a moment. Imagine waking up and PHYSICALLY not being able to love your body for what it is. It's valid, and I see the pain it brings people. It crushes me. I'm just starting to love my body for what it is, especially because I do have the power to change what I don't like. Imagine what it's like to wake up and know that it's not an easy task to change what you know isn't right for your body.

I don't have a cure. I suffer from a lot of these illnesses myself, including BDD. I look in the mirror and have no idea what I'm looking at half the time. But I do have one thing to say: be fucking kind. You don't know what a person is going through. It feels like a cop-out to say, but it's true. Not all illnesses are visible, so don't assume someone is okay simply because they don't look like a leper and have limbs falling off in front of you.

Do not talk about anyone's body. Just don't do it. Compliment their clothes, hair, eyes, smile, personality, attributes, ANYTHING. But do not talk about someone's body, especially if you know they might not be okay with it. It's not our fault that we can't see who and what we really are in the mirror, and it is not anyone's fault that their outside doesn't reflect their inside. Ever hear someone say something negative and your natural response is, "No, you're beautiful!" or "You look fine!"? Yeah, no. It doesn't work like that.

We won't realize you're not lying to us until we believe it ourselves. We won't be comfortable until we can make positive changes to reflect ourselves. The best you can do is show us, and people transitioning, and anyone not comfortable with themselves - or really, anyone at ALL - that you love us for the inside. Let us deal with the outside, please. Help us do it safely, and show your love in any way you can. But as far as trying to help us view our physicality better? If you don't have anything nice to say, shut the fuck up.

Now I Know My ABC(LGBTQI+A)'s

TRIGGER WARNING: Some friends may feel that the genders and sex references I put do not apply, and may feel uncomfortable. Please understand I'm not trying to exclude anyone, so I'm going by definitions in the dictionary so as not to jumble any words or be misunderstood. But no matter what, love is love, and if you feel truly excluded, please let me know and I WILL edit the post!

I'm taking what a friend wrote in one of their video blogs and making a little post of my own about it! This week, we're talking about the letters of the alphabet! Well, not really, because I'd hope one would know them already.

Nah, we're talking about the letters that make up the acronym for the "not-so-straight" community. This is an educational post, there will be a test after. (Just kidding, I know I'm not funny, moving on.) But just in case you think you may not need this, out of the 22 people who voted, 10 people said they didn't know what all of this meant. So, here we go.

• L: lesbian
• G: gay/genderqueer
• B: bisexual/pansexual
• T: transgender

And there's a few more that people LOVE to forget about. (Disclaimer: there are multiple accepted acronyms for the community. This is just the one I feel is the easiest to understand, and it tends to be the most used acronym after the simple LGBT.)

• Q: queer/questioning
• I: intersex
• A: asexual/aromantic

Just for your references, the video makes the statement that A does NOT stand for "ally", so for those who believe their heterosexual self belongs in the "anything BUT heterosexual" community, please show yourself out. Belittling our cause after "supporting" it just so you can feel included isn't a pretty look. But if you prove yourself a decent human and actually act as an ally, then of course you're welcomed.

So, what I'd like to talk about is what they all mean. Some of them are self-explanatory, but let's just do it for everything so no one gets left out in the cold. (Again, let me reiterate that these are definitions taken from the dictionary, and are not meant to offend anyone as far as gender, sex, or identity!)

• Lesbian: a homosexual woman

• Gay: a homosexual, specifically a man

• Bisexual: sexually attracted to both men and women

• Pansexual: not limited in sexual choice with regard to biological sex, gender, or gender identity

• Transgender: a person whose sense of personal identity and gender does not correspond with their birth sex

And now these are the ones where the dictionary got iffy. Some of these are just words, so I'm going to do my best to explain for some of those who may not be too sure how they apply to this community.

• Queer: "strange, or odd..." This, in the community, simply means someone who identifies as something other than heterosexual. It can be used as a blanket term for the whole community, but some of us just use it to cover whatever our sexuality may be within that community.

• Questioning: "indicating or implying a question..." In the queer community - actually, in any community, really - a lot of people have no idea what they are and how to label themselves, or even if they'd like to label themselves at all. Simply, they're questioning themselves and figuring themselves out and where they fit in to everything.

• Intersex: "someone whose anatomy or genetics at birth do not correspond to the typical expectations for either sex..." So, this one is an interesting concept. Ever heard the term "hermaphrodite"? An example of someone who is intersex. It's not an offensive term. Rather, it's not meant to be. And it's not always visible, either. Medically, it could be a completely internal thing. I read a great article about why some people feel this does not belong in the original acronym, and how doing so may imply that these intersex individuals are homosexual/bisexual etc., but in that same article, they state that they face similar struggles and erasure as the rest of the community, and an acronym shouldn't stop a cause from working together for acceptance. Good point, in my opinion.

• Asexual: "someone without sexual feelings or associations..." There's only been one source of media that has ever, to my knowledge, portrayed an asexual community properly - BoJack Horseman. It took until Season 4 to do it, but once they did, it was amazing. It doesn't mean you're incapable of finding a partner. It doesn't mean you don't WANT to find a partner. It means you're not interested in sex. Some people don't like vegetables, some people don't like spiders, and some people don't like sex, and that's perfectly fine.

• Aromantic:"someone who doesn't experience romantic attraction..." Which does not mean they don't experience love. This simply means that romantically, they're not with it. Platonic love is absolutely capable for someone aromantic. They just feel that there's no need for an intimate pairing, considering they can actually love. I feel that in my generation, this isn't so common, but the "eligible bachelor(ette)" thing could totally apply. Like, they may have siblings and friends and parents and family and whoever that they love. But anything more than that just isn't their thing.

I hope that I was able to educate you guys! Hopefully, if anyone ever asks about the queer "alphabet", you can give them a little bit of knowledge and prove that labels are sometimes there for a reason. No matter what you may think, you do fit in somewhere. I promise.