I Scream... For Ice Cream?

I had a conversation with a friend not terribly long ago in regards to preference. Her preference is black women, and she was very adamant about letting people know. And that's okay, everyone likes what they like. I just think it's smart to understand what you say when you're saying you have a "racial preference" as far as partners, romantic or otherwise, are concerned.

*BEFORE CONTINUING, I'd like to put a disclaimer: not only is this a no-judgement zone, but I understand nobody in my friend circle is a racist person. I'm fully aware. This is a sensitive subject, but to those who answered YES in my poll to having a preference, just know that I applaud you for admitting it openly. I have a preference. That's discriminatory as FUCK, and I can't help what I like, and it doesn't mean I haven't dated other people or wouldn't accept other people.*

When you say you have a racial preference, you are saying that even through evolving as a human race, you can not put aside the deeply-rooted stereotypes that each ethnicity or race (which are different, but I think that both hold true in this explanation) come with. Why do you prefer dating someone of color, or someone not of color, or what have you?

What makes black people the most attractive race in your eyes? What makes you say you're looking for a "white boy"? Why are Latinx people "so sexy" to you? Do you not see the fetishization you're implementing?

What exactly makes a race more attractive to another? My answer is stereotypes. Think about it. How many times have you heard something about member size, or booty size, or being "crazy" in bed, or something like that? More times than I'd care to admit.

Stereotypes were, at one point, based in fact. There are biological reasons that correlate with some. For example, the reason people of color may have bigger members is the same reason they have as much melanin as they do. Melanin is the pigment in skin that protects people from the sun. Hence, people who lived in warmer climates needed more to protect them. Which is why people around the Equator are darker than those who lived in Northern Europe or places like that. By that same logic, because of the heat, people of color were also taller, and had larger dicks, because more surface area on the body meant that the heat of the environment could spread out better and people wouldn't die from sun exposure every day.

You can't get mad at anyone for having a big dick. And you can't get mad at anyone for liking it. But assuming a certain race or ethnicity is going to have one is stupid, to be honest.

That was just one example, and I'm sure that other people can see more. In my favorite musical, HAIR, there are two songs - "Black Boys" and "White Boys" - that are sung by ladies of the opposite race, and they start naming reasons why they love what they love. "Black boys are delicious, chocolate-flavored love... I have such a sweet tooth when it comes to love..." and, "White boys are so pretty, hair like Chinese silk... White boys are so lovely, beautiful as girls..."

As great as the show is, does NOBODY see how problematic that is? Come on, now.

And not all of these stereotypes are negative! Most of them are some kind of positive attribute - preferred size, intelligence, money... Things like that aren't negative, necessarily, but why assume other people can't share the very same attributes?

While I can't knock anyone for liking what they like, I know I've encountered people who've only been interested in me because of my weight, or how EXOTIC I am, etc. (Also, if one more person calls me "exotic" when they just mean "not white" I'm going to throw up all over them.) So please be mindful.

Another friend made a wonderful comparison. "Just because you may like vanilla ice cream doesn't mean you should not eat pistachio because it looks different than vanilla." He's right. We're not allergic to other flavors of ice cream. Half of us haven't even tried anything other than vanilla before saying it's our favorite.

While having the racial preference is something that's very hard to unlearn, we can understand the racist background it hides behind. Never give up a beautiful opportunity, sexually or romantically, because of your preexisting notions of the race or ethnicity of the person that holds that opportunity. And never hold yourself accountable to the issue of stereotyping. Just remember that it can be unlearned, and you should always see the person for the light they hold, not the lampshade that happens to covers it.

Poly Pockets

You'll find, upon reading my blog, that my favorite word is "stigma". Well, not my favorite word, but it makes the most sense in most of the things I write. What does stigma mean?

• STIGMA (noun): a mark of disgrace associated with a particular circumstance, quality, or person.

So, when I talk about the stigma behind things, it's just because there's bad vibes surrounding it that I'd love to try and alleviate, if only from the minds of the people who read this.

Let's talk about some other definitions, though, since there's a STIGMA behind these two terms as well, and some people don't seem to know the difference. (And although 11/18 people said they knew the difference, I honestly might have to call a little bit of bullshit. Thank you to the 6/18 that said "sort of", and shoutout to the ONE who straight up said "no".)

• OPEN RELATIONSHIP (noun): a relationship in which both partners agree that each may have sexual relations with others.
• POLYAMORY (noun): the philosophy or state of being in love or romantically involved with more than one person at the same time.

Let's elaborate, shall we?.

In an open relationship, whatever the agreement may be, one would be able to sexually do whatever they'd like while still being in a monogamous relationship. Polyamory, however, means that one would have more than one partner romantically, and whatever they did would be their business. Some people don't understand, and my favorite statement in regard to either is, "Well, it's just not for me."

Okay, nobody cares about YOU when it's not YOUR relationship. First of all.

I just wish people would understand one main thing - no matter what the status of your relationship, PEOPLE CAN STILL CHEAT. Most people I've spoken to in regard to open relationships or polyamory have always thought that it's just a green light to do whatever you please, and that's just not the case.

Cheating means dishonesty, it means hiding, it means that when you say "full disclosure" that you weren't fully disclosing everything prior. Being in an open relationship means different things to different people, but to someone like me it means letting my partner know what I intend on doing. It means telling them what my thoughts are as I have them.

Full disclosure, my last relationship was an open relationship. Ideally, that would have been a good thing, had the partner not taken advantage of the situation. (Sorry... tea. I'll sip slower.) But there's nothing wrong with sharing your sex life with others. I love being open, and the idea that someone single should be able to go do as they please should span across other things.

And people love to think, "Okay, so polyamory just means you're cheating but that's okay?" Nope! You're with more than one person, and they may or may not be, but that's it. You can be polyamorous and asexual, ya know? It doesn't just mean you can fuck whoever and sleep over and nobody is allowed to get hurt. Wrong.

I've seen polyamory fall apart because of cheating - i.e. a partner that the other partner(s) didn't know about or something similary - or because of lying, or because of just normal relationship things. Polyamorous people or people in open relationships are not more prone to these things, though. Adding more people to the equation doesn't automatically mean you're adding only SHITTY people to the equation.

In nature, here's which animals do what. Just in case we think we're better than any species for whatever reason.

• Animals that mate for life: 
• the worm
• the wolf
• the swan
• the penguin
• the bald eagle
• Animals that practice polygyny (where the male has more than one female mate, but the female only mates with one male):
• the baboon
• the buffalo
• the gorilla
• the elephant seal
• the hyena
• Animals that have sex for fun:
• the pig
• the dolphin
• the bonobo (and some other primates)
• humans

So, these concepts of having more than one lover at a time, or throughout the course of a lifetime, why is it that humans have an issue with it? Because we gave it labels? Jeez, humans, get it together.

Once humans started labeling things, I feel we have a deeply-rooted need to fit into those labels. And when we don't, it drives us nuts. And when new labels are created because people shouldn't have to fit into any mold but we try anyway, we get upset that they're not the exact same as the previous molds we fit into and got so used to.

Humans, chill. Your personal jealousy and attachment issues have nothing to do with a relationship someone is a part of. If you can't put that to the side, then that's on you! And there's absolutely nothing wrong with monogamy or a closed relationship. But if you don't have anything nice to say, shut up, and leave other happy people alone.

Star-Crossed

In honor of our wonderful Full Moon in Capricorn, I'm going to do a post to alleviate some of the rough things we've all had to endure in our lives. A while ago I did a post on tea - because we all know that consent is like tea - so I'll do something silly. I got a lot of good suggestions, but I think maybe some humor might be good for the soul in a time like this!

In this post, I'm going to say what piece of candy each zodiac symbol correlates with. I'll throw in some sexual opinions I have, based on my platonic AND sexual experience I may have had with them. Let's do something fun!

Also, I'm not an expert in anything, so disclaimer! This list does NOT mean you are a Twix bar in real life. This does NOT mean you're a bag of Skittles. In case you were wondering.

• ARIES: As the first sign of the zodiac (and historically, one of the youngest), Aries are known for being blunt, taking charge, and being a tad bit belligerent. You're a fire sign, full of passion and courage. However, with your tendency to be a little too aggressive at times (especially in bed, but that's a little too much tea that nobody asked for), I think REDHOTS would be an appropriate candy for you. It takes you a while to warm up to them, but when you do, they make an imprint that matters for the remainder of your experience with them. Whether that's positive or negative is solely up to you.

• TAURUS: Ooooh, Taurus, girl. An earth sign represented by a bull... Being so grounded makes for one so stubborn. While that can manifest positively with you sticking by your opinions and knowing your worth, I think that especially sexually, not getting what you want can erupt quite a tantrum. But when you get exactly what you want - which isn't hard to provide - then you have a tendency to wholly involve yourself in the experience, sexual or otherwise. Ever had a JOLLY RANCHER that took over your mouth so thoroughly it stuck to the backs of your teeth?

• GEMINI: These twins, Castor and Pollux in Greek mythology, were twin Demigod brothers (with different fathers, which I guess is weird, but I guess mythology can do what they want?). Long story short, after Castor died, Pollux asked Zeus - his father - to give half of his immortality to his brother. This changed them into the constellation of Gemini. The willingness to share and the connection Gemini can form with their loved ones or partners is unmatched. I don't know anyone who wasn't willing to share their M&Ms with you.

• CANCER: These little crabs are so moody. A consistent need for affection, warmth, and validation. Which are not bad things to lust for, but think about a crab's movements: sideways, darting, and never head on without a fight. Your LICORICE attitude is a little touchy at times, but it doesn't take much for someone to fall in love. With all of you, not even just the parts they like. In bed, you might be a little too into it, or a little too distant. But that's why someone should take their time and get to know what's under the shell before even thinking about sliding in your DMs.

• LEO: Honestly, Leo gets a bad rep. Their best quality has got to be their loyalty and kindness, but all people see is the almost-pompous exterior. It's hard to think that lions have hearts when all you see is a mane and teeth. SNICKERS seem appropriate. It's not until you bite in that you remember it has nuts in it. I've been with some Leos, though, and honestly they have me roaring in bed, so I'll take that. Like, if there was one sign you would be required to call "Daddy", this one would be it. They're a fire sign ready to protect their pride at any cost, so don't mistake their fixed personality with anything other than them being sure of themselves.

• VIRGO: Virgo's ruling planet is Mercury, which is supposed to be in charge of our communication and processing of information. (Which is why when it's in retrograde, the way we understand one another and ourselves is often skewed.) But they love to talk. About everything. Characterized by the virgin, their analytical personality always leaves them hungry for everything they find interesting. You're always looking for "purity and perfection", which are perfect words I stumbled upon, so even sexually you're looking for exactly what you're looking for. Think HERSHEY BAR. If Mary Poppins were real, I think she'd be a Virgo: "practically perfect in every way", if at least only to her.

• LIBRA: The scales always want to be level, but life doesn't always work out like that. Affability only works when it's more than just a one-way street. You're ruled by your emotions through Venus, which means you're probably super sex-positive (yay!) but fickle as hell (nay?). I feel that demisexuality is probably something that sounds about right to a Libra - only being able to form a sexual attraction if an emotional/mental one is formed.So like, once you decide to eat a STARBURST, you don't really care if there's a teeny tiny bit of paper stuck on it when you eat it.

• SCORPIO: With your ruling planets sharing the throne with Pluto and Mars, the planets in charge of change and action, you definitely are trying your best to move forward. But Scorpio is a fixed water sign, meaning they have a tendency to be stubborn and austere as well as secretive and cunning. They have a tendency to misuse sex because of their compulsion problems. If it's something they want, they're going for it, never mind the regret they know will happen after. Like when you eat SKITTLES and you only want a few but then you've eaten the whole bag and you're crying about it but also getting another bag.

• SAGITTARIUS: Your symbol is the archer/centaur, your planet is Saturn, you're a fire sign with masculine influences... Okay, we get it, Sag, you're super confident. But also, please keep owning your confidence. Wear it like a banner across your chest, like the arrow your character holds. Loving the freedom to express and explore is something people gravitate towards. Sleeping with a Sagittarius can be one of the most fun experiences of your life, but they're super rebellious so good luck past a certain point. The TWIZZLERS of the zodiac - not quite one thing, not quite another, but a whole lot of something really good.

• CAPRICORN: Before we move on, can we just ask this question: what the hell is a sea-goat? Like, oh, Capricorn - the sea-goat. Um, question mark? But also, yeah... What the hell is a Capricorn half the time? Yes, you may pride yourself in your focus and ability to succeed in your endeavors, and rightfully so. Super ambitious, but cautious of every step at the same time. Almost conservative at times, because you're so confident in who you are, whoever that may be. Like the KITKAT, you're a classic. A dominant force in bed who knows exactly what they're doing... whatever that may be.

• AQUARIUS: As HAIR made the phrase possible, Aquarius is "destined for greatness or madness". Absolutely comparable to eating too many REESE'S PIECES at a time. And although you're often mistaken for an emotional and unstable water sign, they're actually and air sign and the complete opposite. You're a little distant, even though your mind is crystal clear with its own creativity, and when you notice that clarity you try and make it known to everyone what your intentions are. Kudos for honesty and altruism, which make for a very generous lover. But also one that gives for pleasure, and may pout when they can't receive. Never more than pout.

• PISCES: What a bubble-headed weirdo you are, Pisces. A soft exterior that takes no more than a second to break through, it's the inside we need to watch out for. If that doesn't sound exactly like a TWIX, I don't know what does. That crunch is what we're all waiting for, even though it's still a little surprising when it comes. It is the opposite of Aries - you're the last of the signs, but one of the oldest. Findings of Pisces drawings date as far back as 2300bc, and the mythology of the fish itself spans more than just the Greek and Roman. You're known for almost psychic tendencies, and that plus your old-soul in bed make for someone who knows exactly what they're doing.

I hope you had fun with me! Give me more fun things to do, Pineapple Peeps, I'm always down for feedback and suggestions!

Monkey See, Monkey Be

TRIGGER WARNING

This post is going to serve as a reminder that your body is beautiful, and that the way you feel about your body is okay, and the (safe!) changes you'd like to make to your body are okay. This post will also serve as a reminder that your body, although just a body, is never something to be ashamed of. If you feel you do not belong in your body, let this serve as a reminder that you are valid in your feelings, too.

In my poll question, I asked, "What do you think gives people the worst body image?" The results were as follows:

• Media/outside influences: 14
• Other people (not intentionally): 8
• Other people (intentionally): 4
• Themselves: 1

It was interesting to see that people voted the most for the media and outside influences. I genuinely thought it would have been the last one. But I'd like to explore that, I think.

Do you think one influences the other? Do you think that upon seeing the media and outside influences, we then turn inward and start comparing? Even with the other choices, do you think that other people can unintentionally make us turn inward? Do you think that intentional harsh words and sideways from people can also bring us to turn inward? Or do you think that it's completely separate?

I'm not so sure. Some people genuinely are their own worst enemy, but where are those roots?

I think that no matter what, we are the ones that critique us the most. No matter what influences - outside, inside, people, things, ourselves, etc. - it will always be us who has the final emotion. Intentional or otherwise, sometimes we lose the battles over how we feel about ourselves. And it's strange to see what one will do to fix the problem, or try to.

I think that sometimes, seeing influences in media is good. Realizing one body might suit you better. Realizing that you aren't alone in the way you'd prefer your body to be. It's super helpful to see that you're part of a crowd, when your  mind is telling you that you only stand out.

However, sometimes it's hard to be part of a crowd when everything around you is screaming that for some reason or another, you're wrong. I may not be louder than that voice, but just a heads up, I'm pretty loud.

If you don't feel beautiful, you are.
If you don't feel right in your body, you're valid.
If you feel someone is more beautiful, they're not.
If you think you're less beautiful, you're not.

You are absolutely perfect in every way. And if you can safely fix anything that doesn't make you feel perfect, you're valid in wanting to fix that. Safely, anything is possible, and you are capable of that happiness.

Our bodies are the most temporary part of us. Why spend our lives with them trying to emulate someone or something else, just because someone or something else might want it that way? Do what you want to do, for you. I don't think imitation is the highest form of flattery. The only person you can be fully is yourself. You can make yourself the best YOU possible, and there are safe ways to do it! The most dangerous thing is thinking you have to be someone else to be happy.

Be your best YOU to be happy.

Just Keep Swimming

TRIGGER WARNING. And before I continue, please know that my ears are always open, and that if you feel you need to seek professional help, I IMPLORE you to do so. It's not easy, but you can get through things, and you are allowed to have bad days. Please don't feel that giving up is an option. Included at the end are a few resources for those of you who feel they're helpful, but again - you always have an ear, a shoulder, and a friend in me.

I'm going to make a point you probably have seen driven home all over your feeds and timelines. Here's a list of celebrity suicides you're most likely very much so aware of:

• Kurt Cobain
• Robin Williams
• Jonathan Brandis
• Alexander McQueen
• Chester Bennington
• Junior Seau
• Diane Arbus
• Avicii
• Marilyn Monroe (probable)
• Johnny Lewis
• Dana Plato
• Ernest Hemingway
• Vincent Van Gogh
• Sylvia Plath
• Kate Spade
• Anthony Bourdain

Now, as painful as this list is - and yes, this is only a very small portion of the list - can you remember anyone from your school that passed away? Those vague "thoughts and prayers" that nobody ever really hangs on to for too long? If the friend is in your closer circle or had a reason to interact with you, of course it weighs on your mind. But I graduated in a class of around a thousand, and I only found out half of the information about students passing at graduation. After over twelve years with pretty much the same exact people, I still had no idea who was around to graduate, for whatever reason.

I ask for simply this... Pay. Fucking. Attention.

It is nobody's job to fix anyone, and don't feel like you have to. But I think there's something to be said about the person who's just kind of *off* today for no reason, getting an extra smile from you. I think asking, "Hey, you doing okay today?", even though you may not get what you're aware is the truth, helps a lot. Even if the person you're asking cannot answer with "NO" like they'd like to sometimes, because admitting you're not okay is hard. Especially when there's no reason.

I'm not going to try and break down why Kate Spade, my all time favorite designer, decided that suicide was the right path for her. I will, however, shut my office down at my place of work when they fucking decided to talk about the finer details of her suicide. Like, nobody said they give fuck about whether she hung herself from a doorknob or not, just let people grieve and allow her spirit to float for A SECOND before chucking questions at it.

When I say "pay attention", I also don't mean to every random person in the corner you see. I don't mean try and throw your assistance at anyone. But when I was low (and still am), the things that mean the most are just random people seeing my (incredibly vocal) cries for help and just being like, "Hey, I see you!" Like, just being seen makes me feel valid. Just knowing someone is willing to help, even if they don't or don't know how. Showing someone you give a fuck is honestly the biggest gesture.

When I was in 10th grade, on Easter, I attempted suicide. There's been self-harm before that, and there's been self-harm after that. And I'm 23 and still trying to convince myself that if I died, there would be at least one person who didn't shrug it off. It's hard sometimes. And talking about it is harder, too. I've been struggling with loving myself and every aspect of myself, inside and out, so that my wrists don't burn every time my depression takes the wheel in my head. But it's hard. And I need to tell all of you this.

You are important. Period. There is nobody who would be better off without you. Period. Your feelings are valid. You belong here. I pinky promise it's going to get better. Yes, it's a bold promise, but I never break my pinky promises and I'm not about to break this one. Things get worse before they get better. If they're getting worse, please hang on.

Maybe it's selfish. I don't want to lose anyone else. I have a folder full of funeral cards and I don't want any more. But YOU need be selfish, too. To the people who would rather see you gone, be selfish and hope that their heart is full of nothing but YOU. If they're thinking about you that much to wish ill upon you in any way, think of them as your personal fan club. When they start saying, "You can't," loud enough, instead of screaming, "You're right," back at them, start doing your best to start screaming, "I fucking can, and I'm going to, if for nothing other than to shut you up."

Being here is so fucking hard. Being a person is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. And I'm sure so many people feel that way. It's hard when you don't know why you feel this way, too. And maybe it's harder when you do know why but you can't do anything about it. When I dissociate - which happens quite frequently - I try to find my hands first, and I've found terminology that kind of helps with everything...

I know it feels like you're drowning. Please try and find your hands and try swimming. When you focus on your hands and swim, then I promise there's air above you. You just have to try to swim, but to swim your need to find your hands. Your hands can't help you if they're holding on to something to end you. Whatever it is, put it down. It's OKAY NOT TO BE OKAY. Let yourself not be okay. Breathe. And please keep swimming. Nothing takes three seconds. No medication in the world can cure this. But PLEASE keep swimming. Just keep swimming. You'll find air. I promise you. Just please keep swimming.


Below are some free resources for those who think they're helpful. I know it's hard to pick up a phone or write or text sometimes, but if you can, please do. And if you have any others (or know of any that are bogus), please let me know.

NATIONAL SUICIDE PREVENTION HOTLINE:
1-800-273-8255

NATIONAL SUICIDE PREVENTION CHAT:
https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/

LIST OF INTERNATIONAL SUICIDE PREVENTION HOTLINES:
http://ibpf.org/resource/list-international-suicide-hotlines

THE TREVOR PROJECT - SUICIDE PREVENTION FOR LGBTQIA+ TEEN/YA:
https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help-now
24/7 HOTLINE: 866-488-7386
M-F 3p-10p TEXT LINE: text "Trevor" to 202-304-1200

OTHER FOUND RESOURCES:
https://www.imalive.org
http://remedylive.com
https://www.chatzy.com/suicide
https://www.healthyplace.com/suicide/suicide-chat-hotline-options

Sun's Out, Buns Out!

TRIGGER WARNING.

I've lived in New York for my whole life. One thing I can say for sure is that the summers are scorching, the winters are frigid, and people are always complaining about both. And these same people are always out, no matter what. Whether 120 or -20, there's going to be traffic on the roads, because New York doesn't sleep for anyone.

What I've noticed with the summer months coming is that people are always ready to call out another person on what they're wearing. And how they're acting. And pretty much anything they're doing. More than they would normally. And I've noticed that certain phrases - "sun's out, buns out!", etc. - are created because society is so clingy and cares so much about our sex appeal, lack thereof, and how much skin people are showing, be it too much or too little.

In my poll, when I asked, "What season do you more associate "promiscuous behavior" with?", it was a clear winner of summer. Understandably, I guess. But let's look at some actual facts and try and look at the situation of a sex-obsessed summer differently.

(Keep in mind, some of these numbers may have changed in the last few years, but within 10 years, I think we can safely assume they didn't go too far in either direction.)

As per the Bureau of Justice Statistics in 2014, 55% of sexual assault happens at or near the victim's home. To me, that doesn't sound seasonally exclusive. However, according to an FBI analysis in 2012,  sexual assault as well as other crimes go up at an average of 6% during the three summer months, so you'd think that maybe promiscuity and amount of skin has something to do with it? Nope, because according to that survey, the amount of sexual assault and other crime goes up 18% than the normal average in the three winter months. There's no excuse for it at any time of the year, and the fact that people automatically think that summer fun has anything to do with our promiscuity is interesting to me.

So, maybe we view the summer as the grounds for more "promiscuous" behavior because it is one of the times of the year when we have more freedom to be ourselves and explore more safely? But maybe it's because sex is always taboo anyway, and when more skin is showing and society keeps victim-blaming, these reports are only jumping when the victim can safely assume nobody is telling them that their exposed skin was instigating someone... in -10 degree weather...

Tea.

The definition of promiscuous says: *derogatory* - "having or characterized by many transient sexual relationships". I don't understand how more promiscuous behavior can't happen all year round. I don't understand why the word "promiscuous" is marked in the dictionary as a derogatory term. I don't understand why the summer eliciting "easier access" clothing (because maybe it's fucking HOT outside) means that automatically someone is going to want to access it. Even though I personally go a little bit crazy in the summer, I have never attributed that to the way I dress. And anything sexual that I have not consented to, I also cannot attribute that to the way that I dress. I can be in the same environment with the same people and dress whatever way to accommodate whatever weather is happening. My libido and sexual experiences is only affected by the people.

And personally, I love winter. I feel I can be my true self. I don't need to worry about any extra sweat, except for what's warranted by that AWFUL promiscuity I thrive on. I don't need to worry about being too close, because the cold makes snuggles an incredible viable option to keep warm. But I mean, nighttime swims in the summer? Intimate as heck, and can get you real horny if you're swimming with the right one. In my humble opinion.

I implore you to do some new thinking as we go into summer: leave humans alone! I'm gonna have sex no matter what season, and we all know a wonderful self-proclaimed slut like me who never lets weather stop her from doing what she wants! But please keep in mind that in the months of the year where more skin is showing, that does NOT give you an excuse to do anything without that sweet sexy consent. And during the months of the year when LESS skin is showing, guess what? You still need consent! Wow!!!

Our generation is obsessed with summertime. Keep it that way. Be who you need to be. Enjoy the weather. And be safe, Pineapple Peeps!

Let's Get (Way Too) Personal! ep.1

Hey, guys! Long time no speak(? Write? Oh, well, I'm back.)

I'm gonna start a series of interviews, we'll call them our "Let's Get (Way Too) Personal!" episodes, so here's to number one!

Diving right into it... There's a couple I follow on Twitter, Jo and Elijah - absolutely lovely people! So I decided to give them a little interview, as best I could, with them living so far away. Keeping anonymous, but if there's anyone would like Twitter information, let me know! (And buy the lovely lady's packages, she's HOT as HECC.)

Also, please keep in mind, I did this interview over Twitter. The responses are exactly as I received them, in order to give an accurate representation of what they LITERALLY said in response to my questions, rather than a paraphrasing that wouldn't do it any justice at all.


QUESTIONS:

Backstory! What are your names, where are you from, favorite color, least favorite vegetable... Anything you think we should know!

• I’m Jo, I’m from Pennsylvania originally. I moved to Florida on my own when I was 23. I stop whatever I’m doing when I see a dog and lose my mind. I hate okra (unless it’s pickled) and both our favorite color is purple. Elijah lives in Winston-Salem, NC and he literally can’t stand onions. 

So, getting to the basics, where do you both fit as far as a sexual niche? (Dom, kitten, sub, switch, etc.)

• Elijah kind of favors being a dom but switches. I’m the opposite. I’m a sub but can switch too. I definitely appreciate that he takes the reigns as someone who has a lot of insecurity. 

And how did you guys meet, and how long have you been together? (Sorry, it’s a mostly sex-acclimated blog.)

• We kind of met through mutual friends when Elijah was going through a break up and we lost touch for some time then reconvened in 2017. It’s funny because Elijah talked me through a few dates and gassed me up but then we ended up together after hanging out a couple of times. We promised we wouldn’t have sex when we hung out in case we were too impulsive and botched the possibility of a relationship lol, but actually we hooked up and were pretty consistent since April 2017. 

What do you guys love about one another as far as being with each other?

• I guess in a dating sense and just spending time together that we literally laugh at the smallest things and have the same sense of humor. Elijah can make me laugh and make me calm all at once. He thinks he’s a dumb ass and enjoys that I enjoy it, he still thinks the fact that I shot milk through my nose over him saying his butt itches is an indication we’re soulmates. He’s made me pee myself laughing a few times. 

And what do you guys love about each other sexually? It can be a particular act that’s done, or just a general comment about your sex lives.

• He likes that we know just how to get each other off and have almost mastered orgasming at the same time. Elijah likes that we talk about exploring things and will usually always try it with each other and laugh about it if it goes bad. I enjoy that we have humor and can discuss our acts. Elijah is kind of down for everything. He’s so open minded and will explore mostly anything with me but I stand by the fact that the way he touches me during sex takes it to another level. He’s intimate and gentle in a consistent vibe even when he’s choking me and hitting me. Idk I’m just comfortable, I feel safe. I haven’t felt that with anyone else. Like real safety. 

Have you guys ever done anything sexually with one another that you’ve never done with another partner before? And if so, how did it come to be?

• We did DP with a dildo to prep for anal which I’ve never really done before. It kind of happened because Elijah never did anal with anyone else and was veeeeerrrry fond of it but I’m kind of fragile so we had to get creative on how to warm up. 

If you’re LGBTQ+, have you ever incorporated that into your relationship? If you’re heterosexual, have you ever thought to include some aspect of something outside of that into your relationship?

• I’m demi pan and we’ve discussed threesomes. Elijah wouldn’t mind bringing another girl in. I’m honestly open to any gender, but I think if we brought another dude in it wouldn’t be as comfortable as it were or would be with a female. Elijah is hetero but open minded. 

What makes you so comfortable to be as sexual as you are on a social media platform? Did it come from any aspect of exhibitionism, or did it stem from a money-based place?

• Elijah is super comfortable in his skin and in sex work and I’m comfortable with showing people. If they want to see or buy it it’s fun but he really thrives off the aspect of being seen and appreciated. It’s sick to see other people want to see or watch it. It took me a long time to be okay with showing my body off and I think for me it’s exhibitionism. It helped me to find other women who weren’t the common portrayal of beauty being unapologetically bare, but it was definitely a few years before I practiced the same pride. I was exploring the love I had for myself publicly long before I started getting paid though. At least on Twitter. I don’t do dancing to be seen, I do it to get paid. I still enjoy making money off my nudes though. 

Do you think that continuously advertising and selling your content has strengthened or weakened anything in your relationship?

• In a way I think it hasn’t really made any difference in my relationship but definitely being able to do porn together has been a bonding experience. Neither one of us has suffered any blows to our relationship from being involved in sex work, I really don’t think we’ve even had a single issue aside from the complaint of people wanting to be cut a deal on something or trying tho haggle. We’re kind of neither here nor there about it, it’s an everyday thing. Like pass the salt haha. In certain ways we are pretty advanced when it comes to being honest and never getting into anything we know would cause issues for one or the other person. I don’t think we’d have lasted this long if we had doubts or issues about the sex work. 

So, both of you are super attractive! (Sorry, over it, moving on.) Do you ever get into situations where one of you has gotten jealous about anything to do with selling/showing content? If not, how do you keep that consistent?

• Aww thank you!!!! Elijah and I discuss everything openly and have never really had any issue of jealousy pertaining to sex work, we sort of maintain the equilibrium by constantly keeping each other in the loop. 

Is there anything, as far as things that are not meant to be seen as sexual, that the other does in your relationship that turns you on?

• Elijah says, “Well I’m in love with her so literally anything she does turns me on, I’ve straight up made eye contact with her while poppin in a tampon and I could’ve fucked her right then and there.” Lmao. Dead ass I could just watch Elijah talk about something intently be it cooking tofu or skateboarding or how he used to carry around a backpack of corona and want to have sex with him. I would attribute that to my strong feelings for him that are non sexual, but I like the way he talks. How he moves his hands and handles everything with calmness. Being devoted to someone long term and having lived with them kind of makes you super observant in their mannerisms, I could just watch Elijah all the time. Smitten af. Lmaooooo.  

Is there anything - feel free to not share details! - that’s a complete turnoff? If there are, how have you learned/how are you learning to move forward with it?

• Elijah and I don’t really know any turnoffs that have been associated with each other. If I’ve ever been turned off it’s usually been me not feeling myself or feeling good enough. Never anything to do with him.  I love spit, one time he spit in my face though and it got in my eye and I got an eye infection the next morning when I woke up for work. So that stopped our spit fetish. 

And, final question! Full disclosure: the best sex you’ve had with one another?

• Lol Elijah says all our sex has been amazing but one of his favorites is the night we first met because we weren’t even supposed to bang. We vowed that we wouldn’t and we wanted to wait but there was so much tension we couldn’t help it. He always talks about how he literally fucked me into the headboard. I actually cut my hand open on the headboard and we beat each other up all night. That’s definitely one of my favorites too but also one night I snuck him into my landlord’s house, while he was visiting Orlando for work and only had literally 3 hours to spare. I picked him up at 12 after he had worked all day. We were back at the house at 1:45 and had sex for an hour with redbone on repeat and then I let him nap and drove him back to Orlando at 4AM. Also one night we had an argument and I was pretty upset and we were getting in the shower together. I was brushing my hair or something and he started kissing my neck and being emotional, it was all over for me. I think I came in like 20 seconds flat. He just bent me over and pulled my yoga pants down and kissed my neck and I was finished lmao

Yay! Open people! Thank you to them both!

I'd like to do a post in the future a little more about exhibitionism and voyeurism, because they're something I feel people have a strange negative connotation between someone enjoying being watched more than there is with someone watching, and it's a little silly to me! And sex work is VALID, so I will be writing another post on that as well.

I think that being open about your sexual life is absolutely NOT an obligation, so thank you so much to people like Jo and Elijah who are willing to be so open to help other people maybe explore their own sexuality a bit! Venture on, Pineapple Peeps!